Yeats..."All Things Fall And Are Built Again, And Those That Build Them Again Are Gay"

     I love to read.  I regularly scour the New York Times' bestseller list for new books to read.  I must confess that I feel excited when I go to a bookstore.  There, I said it.  I have officially come out of the book nerd closet.  For me, books are like chocolate;  a delightful treat that you can't get enough of.  

     I recently read a book called "The Glass Castle".  It is the memoir of a woman who grew up with two parents with mental illness.  I picked this book up numerous times in the bookstore and then put it down.  While I knew from my research that it had won many awards, I was afraid that it would be too depressing to read.  Please tell me that I am not the only one who researches books before actually buying them, otherwise I will have risen to a whole new level of nerd.
     I finally could not resist the urge to buy the "The Glass Castle".  I was just too drawn to it to keep walking away.  I was so wrong.  It not a story of despair.  Instead, it is a story of courage and perseverance.  It is the story of a child's quest to despite adversity build a life full of joy and stability for herself.  It is the story of a child's acceptance of the adversity that was thrust upon her, at no fault of her own, and her journey to rise above it.  This book is not depressing; it is inspirational.  While this child lived in a world full of darkness she was drawn to bits of light, and fought to make her own light.  She didn't wait for happiness to come to her.  Instead, she fought for a life that would bring her happiness.  

     Now I am reading, "A Fine Balance".  It too is an award winning book.  It follows the lives of individuals living in poverty stricken India during a time of great political unrest.  As you walk hand and hand with the characters you cannot help but feel that you simply have no idea what some people live with every day.  You are shocked by the poverty, violence and disregard for human life.  At the same time you are touched by the characters' unwillingness to give up even when faced with so many emotionally and physically breaking roads blocks  Every day they fight for a better life, even though there is such little hope of obtaining it.  Never the less they wake up each day striving for a better life; a life where instead of feeling despair they feel happiness.

     I have folded over one page in this roughly 700 page book.  I don't like to fold over pages in a book as I feel that is disrespectful to the author who has put such great effort into their writing.  To me, you wouldn't think of folding a painting in half and books, while a different form of art, should be equally respected.  Maybe my no page folding policy also has to do with my great admiration for someone being capable of sitting down to a blank page and being so creative.  I just don't want to damage something that I admire so much. Occasionally though I read words that impact on me to such a degree that I can't help marking the page.  Two sentences in amongst thousands of sentences in this book struck me with such impact that I wanted to be able to go back to them.  As a character is talking about his inability to continue in a profession that he loved for health reasons he says, "Please always remember, the secret of survival is to embrace change, and to adapt.  To quote:  All things fall and are built again, and those that build them again are gay".  

     While I have been in Florence for almost a month I have only this week gone back to running every day.  I haven't run because there has just been so much involved to acclimating to a different city; indeed to a whole different way of life.  I have gone back to running because I missed it.  For me running is my thinking time.  It is as good for me mentally as it is physically.
     I started running after I had literally fallen.  My ankle was shattered so bad that the surgeon said that it was like putting Humpty Dumpty back together again.  I remember my first appointment after my first of two surgeries.  There was an x-ray of my shattered ankle, and an x-ray of my repaired ankle with all the screws and plates, illuminated on the wall.  As I looked at the x-rays and listened to the doctor tell me that it would take months for me to learn to walk again, and that I would probably have a limp for the rest of my life, I was overtaken with nausea.  I am not sure if the nausea was a result of the excruciating pain that I was in, or the fear of what was before me.  My life had very unexpectedly changed.  I seemed to be doomed to a life of never wearing heels again.  I am not sure if my best friend who attended this appointment with me saw the nausea or the fear in my eyes, but she in an attempt to help tried to nonchalantly walk over in front of the x-rays to block them with her body.  I remember saying to her that blocking the x-rays from my sight was not going to change things.  While we can now look back at that moment and laugh, it was a defining moment in that it was then that I decided that I was going to shock the doctor with my recovery.  It was at that moment that I decided that I would rebuild myself faster and better then he thought I would be able to.  After months of attending physiotherapy several times a week, and after shedding many tears in pain a long the way to getting my mobility back, I could not help but think of the words of Yeats as I ran through the streets of Florence.  While my actual ankle will never be the same as it was before the fall, and I have come to accept living with pain every day,  I am now in better physical shape then I have been in since high school.  And while I have a limp, it is only late at night when my ankle is worn out from the day.  

     As I ran through the streets of Florence and pondered the words of Yeats I could not help but think about how my literal fall caused me to rebuild my life both physically and mentally.  In the process of rebuilding my ankle I was forced to rebuild my life in a healthier way.  I was forced to take time for my well being.  I was forced to make changes in my life.   Rather than staying "broken" I had to make the conscious choice to embrace change and adapt.  While this journey of rebuilding was initiated by a physical injury, in order to heal I have also had to rebuild mentally and look at things differently.  As someone who has hated change, and has always felt safe with the security that sameness brings, I now try to embrace change and adapt.  I have come to see that while change can be both painful and frightening; it can also bring good.

Tomb of Galileo

     
     Each morning I now randomly run through the streets of Florence, being careful not to become a causality of a scooter, and using the Duomo as my lighthouse to find my way back.  As I pondered the words of Yeats I found myself running through the Piazza Santa Croce.  In many ways the Basilica Santa Croce is a testament to the words of Yeats.  In the church lies of the tombs of many famous men; men who persevered with their dreams and, despite being faced with great adversity, rose to be great men.  The church itself fell, of sorts, during the flood of the Arno River in 1966.  Many of the masterpieces in the Basilica were damaged.  While it has taken years, the Basilica has been "re-built".  Many of the damaged masterpieces have been restored and returned to their rightful places in the Basilica.  The Basilica is once again grand, for me not because of the art, but because of the stories of strength and perseverance within the walls.  Many damaged masterpieces have still to be restored before they can be returned to the Basilica.  As I ran through the Piazza Santa Croce and looked at the magnificent Basilica Santa Croce I could not help but think that for those that can find it within to rebuild, you must remember that sometimes it takes time to rebuild and to be gay again.  I also could not help but think that like Galileo who at one time was persecuted and banished by the then power Catholic Church because of his beliefs,  you may be faced with people who try to tear you down as you try to rebuild.  Despite this one has to have the courage to persevere as he did because with rebuilding you can be gay again.  If Galileo's life and work is now celebrated in one of the most famous Basilicas is the world, I am left feeling that anything is possible if you fight to rebuild.  

Tomb of Michelangelo

Chapel Donated By A Wealthy Family In Honour Of St. Francis Of  Assisi